Chapter 2: Lessons Learnt From Loading The Dishwasher
Dishwasher Diaries: Human characteristics & tips on building rapport
Welcome back! In these stories I have dubbed the ‘Dishwasher Diaries’ I am going to cover managerial approaches through life experiences I have had with individuals loading the dishwasher, breakdown their advantages and disadvantages as well as give you some tips on how to deal with them.
If you missed my previous article on ‘The Dictator’ approach, you can read it here:
Now, onto the next chapter in our series:
Chapter 2: The Surface Cleaner
Once upon a time many moons ago, I found myself living in the navel city of Plymouth in the UK. ‘By god heavens why?’ I hear you asking. Well…I had just about scraped enough points together from my grades at school to do a Photography degree at university. I’ll get straight to the point, I lasted a total of about 12 weeks before I dropped out.
My wife can confirm how awful and impatient a photographer I am. That’s probably why she would rather risk death by running across a 12 lane highway to ask someone trying to run away from her to take her picture, instead of giving me the camera. Also, the label ‘Instagram Husband’, literally sends shivers down my spine and makes me want to watch the world burn.
Anyway…
University presents a new living situation for most humans. The joys of close-quarter, shared accommodation with people your own age. Finally, I answer to no-one!
I dragged my bags to the 5th and final floor of the building I was (supposed) to be living in for the next 3 years to find the entrance to our halls, and the compact cabin like room I had been allocated.
Our halls had 8 compact bedrooms and one kitchen/dining room for us all to share. I was curious to find what hidden treasures our new residence had, so I started opening draws & cupboards to see what I can find. Alas! A small cupboard tucked away in the corner of the room had led me to a fairly old, rusty white machine. What could this be? I thought. As I opened it, I knew it could only be one thing…The Dishwasher.
The first person from our newly formed band of brothers & sisters I met was Mike, who had been given the room opposite me. Mike was a rather tall, down-to-earth chap who loved video games and fantasy movies. He had a very relaxed persona, someone who I would describe as having a ‘float through life’ attitude, not really being affected by life’s complications or what other people said or did.
That was at least, until we met Lauren…who arrived a few days later.
It was a drizzly Sunday evening around 7pm when she arrived. She had bright blonde hair, a beautifully alluring smile, and a huge pink suitcase with golden stars on it. After unpacking, she came out to introduce herself. She was super friendly, outgoing and instantly connected with everyone making us feel like we had known her for years.
As the weeks went by, we settled into our new lives. Partying together, exploring the city, studying (well most of us) and generally living our best lives. But now we were a little more well acquainted, certain issues started to arise. If I covered all of them, we could be here for a quite a while, so let’s get into what this tale is really all about, and that is ‘The Surface Cleaner’.
Lauren was a really nice person, but living with her had been quite revealing.
When you live with anyone for long enough your going to notice things. When they pick their nose, do they flick it, stick it or eat it for example? ‘Disgusting!’ I know, but I think you get the point.
We thought it was kind of funny at first, but shared spaces when you live with others are sacred. It affects everyone. I consistently came to the kitchen to find it looking deceivingly normal, the surfaces were clean(ish), there was no dirty plates in the sink, the bin wasn’t overflowing…However, I proceeded to open up the cupboards to find absolutely nothing. ‘Hmmm, where could all the stuff be?’
I would walk over to the the dishwasher and open it up…
First, came the smell. It was putrid. ‘Urgh!’ I even just threw up in my mouth a little while writing this. As I regained consciousness I could see that everything had not only been crammed in without any thought or logic at all, but that half of the food was still stuck on the majority of dishes like she had thought that this must be a dishwashing/disposal machine combo. To this day when I think back, I still can’t really believe it.
This was how I came across ‘The Surface Cleaner’. It is a style that I see in very positive, bubbly outgoing people who under their outer layer are much deeper and can sometimes have anxiety or even depression.
As I have said before, each of the styles I will cover in these short stories has it’s place depending on the situation, and I honestly believe we are a combination of them all, just with different point distributions. What is powerful about this one is their ability to build rapport instantly when they meet someone. They tend to be very well liked by others, and are extremely effective at simple, repetitive tasks that do not require in-depth planning or complex processes.
An example of a question that would make them want to dig a hole so deep into the earth they melted into oblivion, would be something along the lines of:
“What is your 3-5 year plan?” - This makes me shiver even writing it. I must also have a few points distributed into my inner surface cleaner, so if you relate to this at all, just know that you are not alone.
The downside of course is that on the inside they tend to quite chaotic, anxious and easily misguided due to their ‘not wanting to let the side down’ mentality.
So how can you manage this?
In the workplace, the struggle here is that if you don’t have a trusted, personal relationship with them, they will either take whatever you say extremely personally and close you out, or just resent your entire existence. Treading lightly is the key to your approach here and your empathy needs to be dialed up to the max.
Now we understand them a bit better, we need to look at what tools we can use to maximize their efficiency.
Here are 4 steps that you can take:
Active Listening: Pay close attention to what the person is saying and acknowledge their feelings. Let them express themselves fully so you understand what their pain points are.
Offer Support: Lead by example, show the person that you are there to help and offer your support. Ask how you can assist them and let them know that their thoughts are not only valid but important.
Calm Direction: Be calm but concise when allocating tasks. Avoid trying to rush or pressure them by setting realistic deadlines.
Reassurance: Provide reassurance and positive reinforcement. Let the person know that they are valued and that their contributions to the team are appreciated.
Ok, so let me get back to the story…
After a couple of times finding the dishwasher like I have described above, I remember one particular instance where it was Mike who had stumbled upon this discovery, and he just lost it.
“GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW LAUREN, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN? HOW CAN YOU HAVE SUCH LITTLE RESPECT FOR THE REST OF US?”
It went on for a good 10 minutes before I managed to get him to settle down. His face had become so swollen it looked like his head had turned into one giant dark purple beetroot like bruise.
Luckily, she was in a lecture.
Once he had stopped ranting and raving about it, we started to discuss the best way to approach her when she returned in the evening. Of course it started with Mike sarcastically suggesting different ways that we could murder her, but after a few laughs and the atmosphere softening, we really started to think about how we were going to deal with this.
We decided that first, we really needed to stay calm and hear from her directly the logic behind why she was constantly doing this so we could somehow, at least try, to understand. Next we played rock, paper, scissors to decide who would offer their help with cleaning up the mess so she didn’t feel like we were all against her. Unfortunately, however probably for the best, that ended up being me. Finally, we needed to let her know that she was still a valued member of our squad, we loved her positivity and that if she just did this one task, her contribution to our shared space would be greatly appreciated.
I’m not going to lie. When she got back, it was very, VERY tense…
There were tears (of course), but we ended up having a decent enough chat. Her excuse ended up being time. She didn’t leave herself enough time for anything, so was always having to rush out. I calmly suggested if she let one of us know that she’s running late then we could occasionally do the dishes for her in exchange for something else that didn’t need to be done immediately to prevent further problems later on. Finally, we planned a group dinner each week where we would rotate the cooking and cleaning, have some fun together, and that it would give us a chance to discuss any new beefs (frustrations) that had arisen that week in a collective friendly manner.
It worked!…At least for a couple of months 😂
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We must always remember that life is an ongoing lesson. If you are not constantly learning, adjusting and adapting, your doing yourself an injustice.
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In the next chapter, I will cover a very mysterious and highly undervalued approach that secretly loads the dishwasher in the dead of night labelled ‘The Conscientious Creeper’.
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Murder her!! 😅